Parody - Author

Author


I'm sick of all these published books that are just wasted wood
Out of seven hundred pages, only fifty are good
And the sequel reads like it was plotted with a Ouija board

I want to make it big, if I got just one chance
I bet my grade-school novel could earn out its advance
And the science-fiction genre would no longer be ignored

I'll have a world that's a thinly veiled Coruscant
And an alien modeled on the ocelot
I got four books planned, and outlines for another three

Every fan forum's leading topic of debate
Will be whether my protagonist is gay or straight
I hear that Ticonderoga's gonna name a pencil for me

I'm gonna write my way to fortune and fame
I want every librarian to know my name

(chorus)
'Cause we all just wanna be big-name authors
With a mailbox full of royalties and contract offers
The words come easy and ideas are free
They can always be expanded to a trilogy
We'll lead all the discussions at the writers' camp
Sign our autographs with a rubber stamp
We'll have our book covers made just the way that we want
With our names in a hundred-twenty-eight point font

Hey, hey, I wanna be an author
Hey, hey, I wanna be an author

I want my own best-seller list in the New York Times
And a publicist so I don't have to write my own lines
I'll do appearances on Oprah, Leno, and Sesame Street

I'll put my Pulitzer next to my Nobel Prize
While Dreamworks is picking up the screenplay rights
And they're working on a first-person shooter for the PS3

I'm gonna write my way to fortune and fame
I want every librarian to know my name

(chorus)
'Cause we all just wanna be big-name authors
With a mailbox full of royalties and contract offers
The words come easy and ideas are free
They can always be expanded to a trilogy
We'll lead all the discussions at the writers' camp
Sign our autographs with a rubber stamp
We'll have our book covers made just the way that we want
With our names in a hundred-twenty-eight point font

And we'll meet up at the biggest cons
Standing-room only, every panel we're on
And we'll all roll our eyes at the wanna-be's
When they ask again 'Where do you get your ideas', well

Hey, hey, I wanna be an author.

So I spent another night
at my desk with QWERTY
Printed backwards on my forehead
at oh-dark-thirty
I've been hoping for that break all my life it seems
But the big bad world can't take away my dreams

(chorus)
Well we all just wanna be big-name authors
With a mailbox overflowing with contract offers
The words come easy and ideas are free
They can always be expanded to a trilogy
We'll lead all the discussions at the writers' camp
Sign our autographs with a rubber stamp
We'll have our book covers made just the way that we want
With our names in a hundred-twenty-eight point font

And we'll meet up at the biggest cons
Standing-room only, every panel we're on
And we'll all roll our eyes at the wanna-be's
When they ask again 'Where do you get your ideas', well

Hey, hey, I wanna be an author
Hey, hey, I wanna be an author.